Monday, August 13, 2012

The Romney Fear

Note: If you were expecting a piece on why Paul Ryan sucks, I did that already.

I'm actively avoiding the election as much as I can now. Not because it's devolved into mudslinging - as a proper American, I loves me a good fight - but because it's just all so sad and predictable.

"Romney Say: 'I am businesstron and will fix economy!'" "Obama Say: 'Businesstron no fix economy with shitty Bush Era ideas!'" "Romney Say: 'I make jobs with tax cuts!'" "Obama Say: 'You fail at math!'"

I'm paraphrasing, a little. And while it was refreshing to hear Obama outright say the neoliberal trickle down hoodoo failed, I just don't believe he really cares. I'm still voting for him but just because he kicks ass on national defense. Something Romney could clearly never do because he is simply too scared. Not just of losing or of having to come clean on his taxes but of everything.

From the start, Mitt Romney has lived his life to please other people. A sickeningly straight-laced Mormon who went into business, just like dear ol' dad. A venture capitalist in the '80s who couldn't even bring himself to revel in it, lest people get the wrong idea. A Republican governor of a blue state who acted like a centrist Democrat. A primary contender who twice appeared not so much passionate or principled as simply doing what was expected.

He even pillaged with only feigned joy.

And then, as a candidate, a gaffe-a-minute sideshow. From his early "I'm unemployed too!" flubs to his Foot-In-Mouth World Tour, Romney continues to say the absolute worst things short of obscure racial epithets. This would just make him another Republican but he can't stop at being an ass - he has to be your friend. After his swipe at London over whether or not they were prepared for the Olympics, he backpeddaled. Then he went to Israel to make some sweeping generalizations and praise socialized medicine - which he then had to try and doubleback on.

Romney's no idiot. He's not a genius but he's clearly smart enough to get by - so he had to realize at some point that praising Israel's commie healthcare wasn't such a good idea... but he had to make nice. That meant praising them. It makes him a good businessman because so much of business is just pleasant bullshitting. But that he couldn't tailor his message in context of his campaign, that he had to go all out, indicates this is a man scared to death of rejection.

"Why won't you love me!?"

And that is why Mitt Romney would be a terrible president. His economic policies are the same old horseshit but we can survive that. What we can't survive is another chicken for a Commander in Chief. Just look at last year's hit on Osama bin Laden - conservatives and other subomegaloids threw a fit at Obama's claims it took courage to order that. You might agree at first that just issuing an order doesn't take big brass ones but this wasn't just any order. This was sending America's super commandos to blow away the number one global bogeyman in hostile territory. What if they'd failed?

'Cause that happens plenty. DEVGRU and Delta have lots of guns and muscles but they'll go down from a well-placed 9 mil same as you. If it went down like that, we would have seen SEAL corpses all over al Qaeda's new recruitment videos and propaganda counts way more in irregular warfare than firepower.

Or what if bin Laden hadn't been there at all? No dead SEALs but one hell of an embarassment. Either way, Obama would've been a lame duck immediately. And it's worth mentioning that he could've taken the easy way out, sent a drone to do the dirty work... But then there's no ID on the target.

The last time we left it to air power, that old Saudi golem escaped and it's left a lasting national shame. Obama understood that couldn't happen again - but going commando had a much higher "embarassing fuck-up" factor. It was a gamble but it paid off, made Americans proud again, and reminded the world we are not to be fucked with.

Now what would a nervous sort like Mitt Romney do in that case? You don't have to think too hard, it already happened. In Tora Bora.

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